Through her eyes.
what was she missing.
Fast forward to about 10 months old and my baby girl started crossing one eye. I thought this was normal and something she was playing around with. 2 weeks went by and the turn became more and more apparent. She was crossing her right eye whenever she tried to focus on something. I was in denial but my loving husband gently lead me to the decision to bring her to an optometrist, stating “it can’t hurt” and that “even if it’s nothing and she’s just playing around at least we’ll know.” I made the appointment knowing that the dr would tell me something was going on but also knowing I needed to hear the truth. So I brought her in to see dr.song who was kind and gentle and very sweet with my lady bug. She sat on her daddy’s lap while dr.song poked and prodded at her eyes testing her vision and looking into her eye. He told us that lady bug was near sighted and was trying to compensate with an eye turn… what does that mean well it means she has a hard time seeing things far away and when she focuses her eye turns inward. He told us we were great parents for being on top of it and that with out assistance from glasses she may have lost the ability to see from that eye. Two weeks later I was scheduled to pick up glasses for my 12 month old baby girl.
Waiting for those glasses was tough, actually it was unbearable. I wondered what she would think of them, how the hell I would keep them on her tiny perfect little face, and what others would think. It sounds awful but I did I couldn’t help myself. up to this point everyone always commented on how gorgeous she was and how she could do modeling. Would glasses change their perception? Why did I even care what people thought? I spent many nights crying to myself and complaining to my husband. I felt cheated… like we didn’t deserve this. Why couldn’t it be someone else? I kept this all to myself like a little secret in a tiny letter I wrote only to myself.
They came! They were finally here and I was ready to take lady bug in to try them on. nerves were running through my body like electrical shocks pulsating violently. The receptionist handed them to me and we sat down to see how they fit, if we liked the shape and colour, etc. And there she was my lady bug with her glasses. I looked at her and she was the same. Still perfect, still unbelievably gorgeous, still lady bug. Once we left the office I immediately took them off her face and looked through them, for some reason I felt weird doing this in the office. I wanted to see how much prescription she needed. It was so blurry and I knew at that moment what it was like to see through her eyes… without her glasses. I sobbed thinking of what she had missed. I attributed every slight delay or clumsy fall to her not being able to see. How could I have not noticed she couldn’t see before the eye turn? I felt I failed my daughter .
The next few weeks were a challenge to say the least. lady bug ripped her glasses off, threw them around, stretched them, and scratched the lenses. She even took them off and threw them on the floor then bounced all over them in her exersaucer. We became regulars at the dr’s office and were thankful the dr recommended the extended warranty. We finally realized we needed a back up pair and put the order in. during the waiting time for the back up pair the glasses we had became scratched and we were left without them for about a week. Something magical happened during this glassesless time. lady bug realized they helped her see. She no longer ripped them off or tried to fight me as I put them on her face. In fact she cries when we take them off for bed, she pokes her head out when we go to put them on her in the morning. She loves them. This makes me smile, makes me know without a doubt we are doing the right thing for our baby girl.
Lady bug has had her glasses for over 6 months now and she is doing great. I am too. I have come to terms with the fact that to strangers I am the mommy of the little girl with glasses. I no longer feel furious when people ask questions, I don’t assume people are judging her or poking fun at her. We are at a place where lady bug and her glasses go hand in hand . I am happy that my little girl is complete and I am grateful that she can see the world like any little girl should.
